The Gaping Hole in the Narcissist

No matter what type of relationship you are in with a narcissist, you are viewed as a pawn, a means to an end, and only used for the narcissist’s purpose. You hold no value or significance as a person with a narcissist because they cannot relate on an emotional level. You are merely a tool to use for gaining what they want and feel entitled to.

The narcissist is in a constant cycle of absorption and digestion, continually taking and consuming all they can from a person only to move on to the next when those resources are exhausted. When they no longer have a need for that person anymore or you will no longer feed them what they desire. If you won’t do it, they’ll find someone who will. This applies to any type of relationship… business, personal or romantic. You are easily discarded when you either refuse to give them what the want or can’t.

You’ll see numerous failed marriages, numerous fired or voluntarily terminated business relationships (accountants, employees, etc.)  They are extremely difficult to work with. It is their way or the highway. If you won’t do it their way or do what they want, you will be scolded first then discarded. 

In marriages you are viewed as a secretary and an object to manage the tasks they deem below them; a trophy while around others and an institution to falsely show how wonderful a parent they are in front of family and friends. All the while acting the opposite while behind closed doors.
They hold themselves in such high regard that housework, yardwork and raising children is for others to do.

Sadly, they get cocoon-ed in their false persona and heightened sense of identity that it’s hard to maintain. All their effort is spent lying and trying to keep up the facade.

In reality they lack empathy, are insecure and wounded; which shows up as bullying. They look outside themselves to feel good about themselves. Seeking other people and things to feel important, lift them up, give them attention and praise.

The narcissist is trying to fill a gaping hole of insecurity and low self-esteem through manipulation and control tactics. They are trying to fulfill a need for significance, to look important to others, get attention, seek praise or gain more social stature. It’s a never ending cycle to boost and feed their false persona and fragile ego. All are ineffectual because what they seek will never fulfill them. That’s why nothing is ever good enough for them.

Narcissists are running from hurt and pain they haven’t processed. They don’t want anyone to see their insecurity, their sadness and their weakness. So they create the persona and spend all their time trying to maintain it. All the while running farther away from their sad, fearful, uneasy and uncomfortable sides of themselves.

If you are experiencing narcissist abuse or in a relationship with a narcissistic spouse, partner, boss, coworker or family member; seek support. Distance yourself from the person, leave the relationship and get out of the repetitive cycle. You are worthy of better relationships in your life. Know your worth and learn from the experience.

Reach out for support and healing.