Some lesser known tactics that the narcissist uses to mentally manipulate and throw off their target are withholding sex, unfulfilled promises and outlandish tales of trailblazing their ideas and actions.
An early red flag, which I missed, was a few months after marriage the ex started withholding sex. It was the oddest thing. Just like a faucet turned off. I tried to talk to him and understand but little did I know it was just another tactic to control. After the idealization phase (love bombing) is over, withholding sex is another tactic in the devaluaing phase. It leaves the narcissist’s partner feeling rejected, dimnishes self-esteem and maintains the narcissist’s sense of control.
The narcissist will emotionally and physically withdraw, eventually retreating completely. This may be associated wtih the discarding phase. They withhold intimacy, affection, communication and all types of interaction within the household. But outside the house it’s a different story. They put on a show that is very impressive and charming to boot for firends or family. This alone will leave you feeling confused. Just another tactic to keep you off balance, manipulate and control the narcissistc cycle of abuse.
Another tactic the narcissist uses to feel significant and superior is through grand story telling. They’ll tell you they were the first to do something that later became popular or someone else capitalized on. How it was their idea first. The extraordinary stories they tell of their involvement in being the pioneer or primary influence with well-known things or famous connections is rather well constructed. They gain enough supply and admiration from people believing they had the idea first or did that thing first but don’t recognize how they are actually detailing their inability to complete any project.
They have such grand ideas and grand plans but never follow through. They’ll promise you everything but never deliver. Unfulfilled trips, gifts, plans. Full of ideas but no follow through. They’ll love bomb you with talk of all the things they want to give you and do with you, but none of it will ever come to fruition.
Do any of these tactics sound familiar? Recognizing the signs of covert narcissism can be difficult. Once you are caught in the loop of idealization, devaluation, discarding and hoovering it may be difficult to see what is happening. If you are questioning the relationship you are in please reach out for help. You deserve better and are worthy of a healthy relationship.